it's not that i don't want to go out and be social. really, i'm 21 with good style and good taste as far as venues go. but i get home from a day of work (nowadays from 2 jobs worth starting at 8am on the opposite side of town) and all i want to do is disrobe and veg.
that's only the first part of it. it gives me an uneasy feeling of snobbery when i feel that i'm somewhat advanced from my peers, and even a few slightly senior friends. not in years, of course, and not necessarily in life experiences. i feel that as far as maturity and emotions go, i'm streets ahead of a lot of people. and this comes a lot from my observation and analysis of others. don't get me wrong; i learn more from the people around me than i do from actual schooling. hell, i'll even admit that i'm a genuinely rotten student. still, i can't help but feel that in comparison to most of my acquaintances, i have an advantage.
i don't report this to blow my own horn, or even as a dig for a compliment or criticism. i note it because i feel as though i'm one of few. i've always been told that one is defined by the company he keeps. that being said, i've been able to collect a fair group of friends who balance my eccentricities and affinities for some certain oddities. why, then am i unsatisfied by any romantic prospects? am i that picky? that snobby? or, in my confusing and prematurely aged persona, am i that undesirable?
-ki
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